Have you ever felt, at the end of a long week, like you just can’t care about one more thing? Empathetic leaders carry the stress of their team along with their own, which can be a recipe for burnout in even the best of times. I think of my emotional energy as a well that I dip into and share with others. When it starts feeling dry, I trust that it will replenish, but sometimes it needs a boost.
Self-care looks different for everyone. Here are a few things that help me dig a deeper well and refill it more quickly:
1. Create transitions between work and home.
In the Before Times, my commute was a 45-minute bus ride during which I’d read books, listen to podcasts, or catch up on social media. I didn’t miss the commute when I started working from home, but I missed having an hour and a half each day when nobody needed me. Now, I make that time for myself: Before work each day, I walk my dog. After work, I either go to a fitness class or sit quietly with a tasty beverage and the New York Times crossword puzzle. After these rituals, I’m ready to be present for either my coworkers or my family.
2. Curate a pleasing workspace.
I’ve worked in my guest bedroom since March 2020. The physical space is neither spacious nor special, but I’ve made small improvements. I upgraded my desk lamp for warmer ambience and a less ghastly visage on WebEx calls. I bought a big package of my favorite gel pens, so I always have one handy. I spruced up my desk with a lucky bamboo plant, a watercolor sign that says “Relax, You’ve Got This,” and a paint-by-number of my dog, who’s normally sleeping on the guest bed behind me. (Quick self-care tip: If you have a dog nearby, pet it now. I’ll wait.)
3. Reduce friction for healthy habits.
I work with behavioral scientists, and I’m a bit of a habit-hacking geek. “Friction” is the small amount of effort that can stop you from doing something – like how I won’t walk half a flight of stairs to refill my water bottle if I’m both busy and thirsty. To reduce friction, I fill up two large water bottles every morning as my computer boots up. I keep healthy snacks in the drawer next to my desk. On days I plan to exercise after work, I dress in my workout clothes. Small things like hydration and exercise make a big difference in my overall well-being.
4. Find mindful (or mindless) space.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I tried to become the sort of person who meditates. I eagerly downloaded an app (which I failed to use), then a different app because maybe that was the problem. Each time I picked up my phone to meditate, I just wanted to play Candy Crush or Two Dots. One day I realized, those games were meditation for me. When I was swapping candies and solving puzzles, I carved out a quiet space for my mind to wander. Minutes disappeared. Sometimes, I’d stumble across creative ideas or solutions to problems – but mostly I enjoyed my low-stress, meandering thoughts, like walking through a colorful garden. For me, self-care means forgiving myself for small habits that are more enjoyable than productive.
5. Ask for help.
This one is hard for me, as I’m usually more comfortable in either the “do it myself” or “pathologically helpful” role. But I’ve found something amazing happens when you ask people for help, especially when you don’t do it too often: You take a step back, they step up, and they shine. Empower your team to solve problems. It’s good for their growth as well as your well-being.
You don’t have to know or do everything, just because you’re a leader. Remember that you’re human, and treat yourself with the same compassion and grace that you would extend to your best employee.
How do you practice self-care? What helps you refill your emotional well?