I still remember the first time I heard my mom use the Polish phrase “Nalewasz wodę” – “You’re pouring water.” It was in response to an essay I had written for my high school English class. Adding water to soup is a classic Polish kitchen hack, a way of stretching a scrawny chicken and a handful of root vegetables into a meal that can feed an extended Catholic family. But in regard to writing, it’s not a compliment. It was my mom’s colorful way of saying I was using a lot of words to say little of substance.
My mom was right. My assignment was a 3-page essay and I had 2 pages’ worth of ideas. I diluted it with filler words, meandering sentences, repetition, formality. “Due to the fact that” instead of “because.” “Utilization” instead of “use.” Water.
My essay was forgettable, but the metaphor stuck. Decades later, I see water everywhere.
Watered-down writing is the hallmark of mediocre web content. When writers focus exclusively on keywords, search phrases, and the assigned word count, readers get served a thin broth that is neither nourishing nor flavorful.
How do we create rich, satisfying content?
I’ll serve up a different metaphor, one I use to edit my own writing.
The Laden Boat
Imagine your writing as a boat taking a reader from a launch point (the readers’ current knowledge and opinions about a topic) to the other side of a lake (what you want them to know and feel).
Step 1: Write. Fill the boat with words and ideas to propel it forward, keep your readers interested enough to stay on board, and get them happily to that distant shore. All aboard!
Step 2: Edit. Your boat is sinking! Evaluate every word.
· Is it part of the boat? An essential factual or structural component
· Is it an oar? It propels your narrative forward
· Is it a flag? A distinct, lightweight detail that makes your writing resonate
Toss overboard (delete) any word, phrase, or sentence that isn’t a boat or an oar. Streamline clunky components. Bolster weak verbs.
You need a flag, an element that makes the writing unique. In commercial copywriting, this is brand voice. For individual writers, this is personality and lived experience. Sail without a flag, and you’ll be lost in a sea of sameness.
Let’s apply this technique to the opening paragraph of this blog.
Here’s the original, 97-word paragraph:
I still remember the first time I heard my mom use the Polish phrase “Nalewasz wodę” – “You’re pouring water.” It was in response to an essay I had written for my high school English class. Adding water to soup is a classic Polish kitchen hack, a way of stretching a scrawny chicken and a handful of root vegetables into a meal that can feed an extended Catholic family. But in regard to writing, it’s not a compliment. It was my mom’s colorful way of saying I was using a lot of words to say little of substance.
I was building a boat to convey the power of concise language. The soup metaphor was my oar (propelling us forward), and my mother was the flag (part of the piece that is uniquely mine). When I pictured the boat sinking, I saw the dead weight of phrases like “I still remember” and “in response to.” Weak verbs like “is” and “use” wouldn’t get us across the lake. I ditched extraneous details like the high school essay and the soup ingredients.
The edited, 36-word version:
My mom called it “pouring water,” “Nalewasz wodę” in her native Polish, a technique of crafty chefs and desperate writers. Like water in a pot of soup, filler words and convoluted sentences add volume without substance.
What do you think… Is it full of water, or does it glide briskly across the surface?