I can relate to Chris Traeger, the character from the show Parks & Recreation who considers himself a “caddie” to everyone he meets. Encouraging others comes naturally to me, and it’s one of my favorite parts of leading a team. Here are some techniques that work for me:
Celebrate small wins.
Encouragement doesn’t need to be big or complicated – it starts with small gestures and words. The crowd at a sporting event doesn’t wait until a winner is declared to start cheering. They cheer for the small moments that add up to a winning game: passing the ball, advancing down the field, defending against an opponent, taking a shot.
It would be weird to shout and wave a foam finger at your employees in an office, but think of the winning moves in your everyday work and add some celebration. If someone nails the wording on a tricky group email, reply (privately) with “Well said!” If someone makes a great point in a WebEx meeting, click the celebration emoji and watch confetti pop up on the screen. Send more eCards. Make a habit of saying “Nice work!”
Remind employees of past successes.
“What have you done for me lately?” is the battle cry of the discouraging boss. Of course, we’re always focused on today’s challenges, and we’re looking ahead to next week and next quarter’s priorities. Performance reviews might be the only time when we intentionally look backward, and even then it’s only a year at a time.
But when an employee is feeling discouraged, sometimes it helps to dig deep – all the way through the story of their career – and remind them how much they’re capable of. If you haven’t been their manager very long, ask them to tell you the story of a proud moment in their career. Even if we don’t tell these stories often, we all remember them, and they can be a source of encouragement.
It can be meaningful, even in our digital and remote-work world, to print award certificates and keep mementos of successful projects. Among my most treasured possessions are a few handwritten notes with kind words from former managers and colleagues. I have carried those notes with me from desk to desk, job to job, throughout my career.
Tell employees why they were hired.
Most of us never find out why we were chosen for a role, but it can be one of the most encouraging narratives in the story of one’s career. A leader meets a candidate, sees positive qualities that their team needs, and chooses to invest in that person’s future. There is no other moment when your employee’s potential shines so brightly. If you hired them or know the story, don’t keep it to yourself!
Just be careful to phrase it as encouragement, not as criticism. “You’re here because you’re a brilliant marketer!” rings much differently from “I hired you to do marketing.”
Don’t assume that performance gaps are character flaws.
This is such a common human bias that scientists have a name for it: fundamental attribution error. We overestimate how much of people’s behavior is driven by who they are, and we underestimate how much is driven by their situation or environment. If you’re seeing a pattern, get curious: What else is going on? Where is the problematic behavior coming from?
If you find yourself thinking something like, “Allison is always late because she’s irresponsible and doesn’t take her job seriously,” reframe it to remove the attribution. “Allison was late twice this week. I should talk to her and learn more.”
Early in my career, I managed an employee who frustrated me by constantly asking basic questions. At first, I thought she was slow at learning her job or even incapable. Eventually, she told me her previous manager was controlling and abusive, so she was terrified of making a mistake. She became a top performer after we understood one another and she realized she was in a safe environment where she was empowered to make decisions – even mistakes.
Normalize mistakes.
We’re all human, and mistakes will happen. Your employees notice how you handle them. If you’re quick to blame or berate others, or if you sweep problems under the rug and pretend things are rosier than they are… you’ll never get honest feedback, and you’ll hinder your team’s ability to learn.
On the other hand, if you show the courage to admit to a mistake, and the flexibility to reframe it as a learning opportunity, your employees will learn along with you.
In his excellent book “Think Again,” psychologist Adam Grant urges readers to think like scientists: consider every idea a hypothesis to be tested. Don’t just give yourself permission to be wrong, but embrace the opportunity to learn from small failures to avoid massive ones.
Make it OK to not be OK.
None of us are our best selves right now. The past 18 months have affected us all differently, but they have affected us all.
I thought I was keeping it together pretty well, until last week when I broke down crying during a video meeting. A relatively small challenge caused a dam to burst, and months of stress and frustration came pouring out in the form of tears. I was mortified. Afterward, people reached out to me with empathy and encouragement. One person actually thanked me for showing that it’s OK for leaders to be human.
Leading with encouragement isn’t about being perfect. It is saying “I see you, I value you, and the best is yet to come.”